Unity of mind and spirit
This month it's Halloween! This month I had the idea of a skeleton hand coming out of a hole helped by a spider.
Then, I saw a video of someone saying she experienced a phenomenon named the rise of Kundalini. I had never heard of this, so I made a little research. I was stoked!
What got me curious was that the woman in the video was talking about how she feels that she reached the end of duality and gained a sense of unity with herself. She got to the origin of why she felt separated and disconnected with others and now felt unity with others and herself.
How this related to me was that I lived most of my life disconnected with myself and reality and in psychosis many times.
I had one wish for as long as I can recall, and that wish is to exist openly. But it felt far off unreachable.
What made it impossible was that I thought I wasn't a human. I was dropped on earth and had to adapt to humans and understand how life was to be lived as a human in order to become one. For that, I had to deny all my instincts of how things had to be done, thought and expressed. I also had to deny all that I spontanously wanted as it would not be adaptive to the environment I was living in and would result in failure of becoming human too.
I was convinced that all that came from me was flawed in relation to other humans, as it was usually in contradiction with them, so I spent my time forcing my adaptability and hoping I would one day, become human too.
At the end of 2015, I had a shocking breakthrough. I understood that I was a human the whole time. I was really confused and ashamed to have been so off track that whole time but at last, this was a good start for progressing to my objective of existing openly.
After numerous other breakthroughs, crises and growth, I'm starting to feel more in touch with my real essence, and strangely, I realize I knew it the whole time but thought it was a disfunction needing to be fixed.
I realize I often feel a huge gap between what I feel, desire and understand of life compared to what I see others have as a norm.
But it might just be that I'm different and that I'm maybe not in an environment that matches my ambitions and reality.
Anyhow, just understanding that I'm not a flaw to be fixed but just a different specimen is really appeasing.
I'm doing more and more things that align with my essence which in turn brings the understanding that I don't need to constantly adapt but simply just be whatever I got to be. I'm starting to feel the unity with reality and myself. I'm starting to feel peace with my truth. I realize that at some point, some things will not change because they cannot be changed. They need to be used as they are.
Anyways, to get back to the video talking about the rise of Kundalini, she didn't explain what Kundalini was so I did a little research.
Kundalini is a from of divine energy represented as a coiled snake at the base of the spine. When cultivated and awakened, it will spiral up the spine through the chakras up through the third eye chakra. You then experience a spiritual liberation, a sense of peace and unity.
In my research, i found images of a snake coming through the forehead at the level of the third eye chakra.
It inspired the change of my painting to a portrait with a spider coming out of my forehead.
The spider is a huge symbol that follows me all the time and that holds a lot of meaning and closely related to my essence.
This painting represents the unity I am starting to experience with my true essence and the gentle process of assimilating it in my mind and spirit to own it entirely and express it with no other expectation than to be true to it and not to spare and protect any other expectations from myself or others. I'm learning that other people are not as fragile and helpless as I used to think they were. I can trust that they can also live their own difficulties without me having to save and spare them.
Let me know what this painting evokes for you in the comments!