Maryse_Gauthier_Amoritz - Vanilla

Well hello! I'm so glad you're here! Let me introduce myself.

I'm Maryse aka Amoritz and I love to explore psychology by painting compelling and distinctive artwork. My art conveys emotions from the unconscious mind and personal growth stories. It drives new awareness and releases muted emotions.

INSPIRATION
My art theme is psychology inspired mostly by personal experiences. I always wanted to understand the human mind. By curiosity, but also, to figure how to overcome mental clogs and trauma that hinders from thriving in all areas of life. My art reflects this quest and communicates the gained insights.

THERAPEUTIC ART
I discovered that the practice of painting is therapeutic and helps me progress in my personal development. My paintings play a role in my therapy that help solve difficult mental issues and unfold my true potential. They carry profound meaning that others can enjoy also with their own perspective.

SELF-TAUGHT
I have no formal art education and was convinced to be incapable of painting, until I overcame my fear in February 2017. I was thrilled to realize I might be able to portray my lavish imagination. Given my ignorance of academic art rules, my work is purely instinctive, sincere and singular.

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My short story

In June 2017, when my endocrinologist diagnosed me with an autoimmune disease causing hypothyroidism, he inquired on my activities and I mentioned that I started painting. I showed him a few pictures of some projects. He said he really loved how I portrayed my ideas and was inspired to ask if I would like to illustrate thyroid illness. He added that he wanted to be my first paid customer. A year later, I finally figured how to depict his request and finished the painting on a 24 x 30 inch canvas. 

My health made it difficult to do much of anything but when I got better, I decided at the start of 2019 that I would commit to one painting per month. Every time I would show my new painting, I would usually get enthusiastic reactions, some saying I should do an exposition and others wanting to buy prints, as I didn't want to sell the originals just yet.
My first commission and people's feedback motivated me to make a website to sell prints. It is also the opportunity to share my psychological  journey and maybe even interact and exchange ideas with others who visit my website. Maybe my work and stories can also have a beneficial and inspiring impact.

My Art Origin Story

In February 20, 2017, I decided to celebrate by 40 years by doing something I feared. I dreaded drawing and painting quite intensely, hence my choice to tackle this phobia.

I discovered Paint Nite events. They happen in bars or restaurants, and are two hour events where you choose the event for the painting that will be performed at that date and place. I rather made my choice for the proximity of the event to my birthday, so it happened on the 19th.

The first hour, I felt dizzy with some difficulty to breathe because of the anxiety and I just wanted to get up and leave promptly. Instead, I focused on deep breathing, reassuring myself there was nothing dangerous or threatening. In the second hour, I was surprised to find myself focused on adding the details and being totally relaxed. I was relieved to realize I could finally paint!

I went to two other events and after that, I decided to experiment on my own. I was really excited to know that I could now paint freely, as my mind is always filled with images and I wanted to express these on canvases.

Me in action at a Paint Nite Event

1st Paint Nite Event

2nd Paint Nite Event

3rd Paint Nite Event

I understood why I was so afraid of painting. Expressing myself in any way has always been a huge challenge. It just made sense that doing so in painting was terrifying too because it is very explicit. Although I wanted to envision my ideas on a canvas, I was also self conscious.

In 2014, I was admitted in a therapy center for psychotic adults after a psychiatrist informed me about it's existence. It has been the best occurrence of my life. I have one to three meetings per week, of which there is a psychoanalytic session. It took me two years of hard work to start seeing some changes and from there, I kept having great breakthroughs that allow me to live better in relation with reality and others. There is also an art studio at the center. They believe that art is a great therapy tool. It is only in 2017 that I dared to start using it.

Another user of the center posted a sign in the art studio to find someone to illustrate an electronic music album he created. I thought it would be a great opportunity to add my name. I thought the worse that could happen is failure, so no big deal. For the rest of the story, read this post. It became my first painting outside of Paint Nite. He did another album and asked if I would do the cover again as he loved the ideas I had. I did other little things in the studio but mostly experimenting. My lack of experience made it very long to do simple things, so, experimenting was essential. 

First music album illustration

Second music album illustration

In June 2017, I saw an endocrinologist for the first time and after some blood tests, he diagnosed Hashimoto, an auto-immune disease causing hypothyroidism. He is the best specialist in the field of thyroid illnesses because he does a lot of research, and instead of treating me with synthroid, he suggested we do it with food. He asked that I avoid all food containing gluten, dairy and soy. He said it would be longer to get back to normal and that keeping good results would be less stable, but it would be far more beneficial. I accepted with joy. I reached the objective two years later, in June 2019!

Back to my first visit to the endocrinologist, he casually asked about my activities. I told him I started painting and showed him what I had done for the music album, but also, a few other drawings like a psychological portrait of myself. He really liked the way I perceived and illustrated ideas and asked if I would make a painting to illustrate thyroid illness. He wanted to be my first paid customer, he said. I accepted but it took me forever to come up with something and then make it. I was able to deliver the work by the end of 2018. 

Framed painting of my first paid commission for my endocrinologist titled "Thyroid Madness"

I always wanted to create more paintings, but never really got at it. When 2018 came to an end and that it was time to make plans for 2019, I decided to commit to one painting per month for the whole year of 2019. I have been diligent to the task and I really enjoyed the experience; besides, I wanted to continue past 2019, and maybe, scale to two paintings a month.

When 2019 ended, my production came to a halt with huge changes in my life. I got separated from my 13 year spouse by November 2019. I decided to accept that I might never meet someone with whom I can really connect as I never was able to really connect with my 13 year spouse or anyone else. I resigned to live on my own from then on. But I unexpectedly met someone with who I connected so well on all aspects, so much that I never dared to wish for it. I felt at home with him, something I never felt before. I moved in with him in a tiny apartment in February 2020. I also finished my college education training and started a new job in my study field from home because of Covid. There was plenty of adaptation despite being positive and fulfilling changes. We moved in a bigger apartment in June 2021 where there is a dedicated space for creating and painting. I am getting back to painting soon. I still managed to make two small paintings in the previous tiny apartment but the dedicated space at my new apartment will make the experience far more effective and comfortable.

Me in my new creative studio space

One thing I enjoy about painting is that I usually get deeper awareness and understanding on psychological situations through the experience.

Painting has been a great ally to my psychoanalytic therapy and I'm discovering more and more my true essence.

Encouraged by hearty responses to my work and my first commission, I decided to create this website to share my journey and offer the possibility to purchase prints.

It can be an opportunity for me to exchange ideas with other people with the same interests and maybe help and inspire anyone that finds meaning in what I share. Communication has always been difficult for me, although I improved with time. However, I find art to be a great way to communicate and if it can be significant and beneficial to anyone, it will make it even more valuable.

I was always fascinated by psychology and hoped to find ways to help others struggling psychologically to overcome their hurdles, as I worked so hard on myself already. Maybe this website will be my way to pursue this quest.

I realized through the years that anything we want to accomplish in life takes time and  is an ongoing process. We don't know all the details of the process when we start and there are no guarantees for the time it will take and for the kind of results it will generate. Also, as the process unfolds, we discover specifics we didn't  envision at first. Any project can be a great learning experience. I used to be in a hurry, always  feeling late compared to my surroundings in everything. Now I relax more by enjoying the experience of my own progress.

Maybe this website is a starting point for building something that can be significant. I don't know the details of what will happen with this project but knowing that it's expected to have unknowns, I can enjoy the journey and stay open to any unanticipated element that could guide me for better results. It makes it exciting that my efforts will generate new discoveries and awareness, and comforting that I will evolve in this process. This is how it worked in the past for me anyways. Being consistent despite the unknowns, initiated great changes in my life that would have been impossible have I not persisted. Even if things turn differently than what I imagine, it might be even better and the whole experience is all worth it!

Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

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